Over a decade ago, I attended my first Reiki energy healing class. I remember looking at my teacher, a lovely woman who unapologetically spoke about using the hot healing energy flowing through her hands not only as a profession, but to “iron” out the wrinkles in her blouse. I was awed by her confidence in speaking openly and in public about topics considered weird and “woo” by the general public. She spoke about so many of the things I had experienced but had no frame of reference for, and allayed my fears about “being crazy.” In the course of the two day class, it clicked for me that the strange experiences with spirits, the ability to see and hear things that weren’t really “there”, my deep connection to nature, and the ability to feel what others were feeling weren’t just in my head, but real intuitive and healing experiences. And on top of all that, my teacher not only spoke about these things as “normal” experiences but she was completely unapologetic about her interests AND she made a living speaking and engaging in spiritual topics and healing.

That Reiki class was a pivotal moment in my life. It gave me permission to be safe in my spiritual and metaphysical interests. It allowed me to learn about healing, and gave me the framework to heal the most vulnerable parts of myself, to clear the patterns, and step into the most empowered version of myself. It’s not a coincidence that I received these beautiful healing messages and teachings while sitting next to my boyfriend at the time- a controlling, jealous, abusive man who insisted on coming with me to this class because he refused to “allow” me to go by myself. Reiki became the gateway and key for years of learning and healing.

I realized I could heal my life.

I knew that my intuitive abilities were real, and that they were not something to be ashamed of but to be developed.

I found that place inside of myself that was strong enough to leave an abusive relationship pattern, and then had the courage to heal from the trauma and triggers.

After that beginner’s Reiki class, I continued exploring healing and spirituality. I completed all of the levels of Usui reiki becoming a Reiki Master Teacher in the Usui tradition and also in the Sekhem-Seichim Egyptian style of energywork.

I enrolled in massage therapy school to learn more about healing the body, and used my massage and Reiki training to put myself through college for elementary education, while simultaneously keeping fire for a sweat lodge, and completed the medicine wheel teachings to became initiated in the munay ki rites as a Kuraq Akulleq Shaman, fourth level priest and wisdom-keeper (currently the highest level).

I distinctly remember one evening during Shaman training where we were completing a Shamanic journey (similar to a guided meditation) when my spirit guides shared with me that my mission in this life is to be a medicine woman. They told me not to even bother finishing college because teaching school wasn’t my mission or life purpose, and instead I was here to be a Shaman and medicine woman. I remember the panic that filled me when I thought about even telling people I was a Shaman, let alone making it my career. And the thought of quitting college was unfathomable- I don’t quit something partway through, and there was no friggin' way I was going to just start telling people I was a Shaman or medicine woman.

I tried bargaining with my guides, “well what if I teach for 20 or 30 years, and then I’ll become a medicine woman (maybe).” My guides didn’t respond, just kind of smirked at me and responded with a shrug that seemed to indicate “we’ll see.”

Fast forward- I graduated from college, and taught in public schools for three years. I outwardly was successful- I had a respectable career, a loving boyfriend and a good life living in a stunning place. But inwardly I was deeply unhappy, knowing that I was not doing what I meant to do, and I felt like an imposter. I was continuing to read all the spiritual books I could consume, learning Buddhist mindfulness meditation from the local sangha, and practicing massage/Reiki/energy healing on the side and during the summers.

Then I had a really rough teaching year, and which I knew on a deep level was a wake-up call from the universe. I knew if I continued on this path that something else would occur to shake up my life and put me back on track with my life’s purpose. I agonized over the decision for months, making pros and cons lists, researching options, discussing options with the people in my life who mattered, and completed a lot of soul searching and clearing work for myself until there wasn’t much else to do other than face the fears and make a choice.